fuck, i'm so frustrated with the tutors in lse i want to kill them. this is fucking ridiculous. e econs a course is fucked up big time.

bloody leeches. every single one of them.

sighs. only good thing about coming to school today was seeing cui (((:

i'm really looking forward to my inter-railing with angela (((: teehee. we're going to be spending 20 hours on trains :p grins. i'm going to have one cranky girl on my hands.

part of me can't bear to cut you off, e other cold part realises tt my life would be perfectly fine without you in it, perhaps even better. shrugs.

on a happier note, happy birthday joyce (((:

sometimes i really feel so bad that i'm doing whatever i want to do, whenever i want to do, enjoying whatever i want, when my daddy's going through all that he is going through. well its partly his own workaholic OCD micro-managing tendencies, and tt he hates losing. but still, i wish there was something i could do for him. sighs.

so much unnecessary drama. this is why being a lawyer, is better than being a businessman. seriously.

because its essentially just the three, maybe four of us. i can't imagine a day when one of us goes. most probably isn't going to be me first, which means i will continue to live lonelier and lonelier.

this reminds me of grandma. it was written by koji misako on e birth of her grandchild.

and it also makes me want to go to okinawa :p perhaps i should wait till tsuki goes back to japan before i get her to go with me (:

it drives me insane how some ppl love to kick up a fuss over absolutely nothing. and how ppl have nothing better to do other than to poke their dirty long noses into other ppl's business. proximity brings friction, conflict and drama. i just can't deal with all that anymore -.- is it possible to be a bubble girl and live in my own little goldfish bowl and not have anyone else in it.

i love raisin bread (:

i hate lazy bastards -.-

we fight, we love, we work hard, we succeed, we fail, we go up, we go down.

that's life isn't it?

this is so geeky. but i'm really really looking forward to this:



i love this world. haha. so random. but there is just so much beauty in this world to be seen (: and i want to travel everywhere, to live my life in constant awe and admiration. it just makes me feel so alive.

i want to watch it in imax. i wonder if angela will watch it with me. hmms

mms, my tummy's all round and full from awesome burgers :D go check it out on hello sunshine, e post will be up soon (:

wow. too often i forget that we've all grown up. and that little girl that i used to adore like my little sister, and used to be the sweetest, cutest little thing ever, is now all grown up, really pretty and a model. wow.

i'm slightly disturbed. mms. need to sleep on this.

angela's e cutest. she's coming back into central london this weekend and she's bringing some cantonese dish for me tt i have no idea what it is. and adorably asked me, 'do you need any necessities' 0_o does she think russell square's in siberia? hahaha

i'm a conflicted soul aren't i.

more than anything else really, i'm coming home to be with my family and you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you and you.

mms, i'm off to have byron burgers tonight (: i've stopped outside byron every single time i've passed by, but have never gone in. tonight i shall :p

i miss nyc. sighs. and japan too.

wait for me kay. till i come home. and we can have our car rides again with loud music blaring and horrible screeching-like singing. we can have baking days. we can go mambo together and you can put on your black face and fend off 'octopuses'. we can do crazy stupid things, play wii like idiots for hours and till e animals start moving. we can go eat wonderful things. sing k-box. so many so many more.

this song accompanied by e slow rising of the sun..

brings up thoughts that shouldn't be here now

i seriously know how my mother feels now -.- how nothing gets done in your house until you do it yourself.

unclogging e bathtub & sink is strangely therapeutic. i love bleach (y)

i'm seriously addicted to pret coffee & croissants. but i learnt a really long time ago tt a croissant a day equals 1 kg a day -.- very badddd.

mms, my summer plans are looking incredibly hectic :D teehee.

let's see, its going vienna, budapest, zagreb & belgrade with angela. then santorini & mykonos with angela, chyna & perhaps kasia. and then back for 4 days before my aunt comes, and we head off to ireland (north & republic of ireland) for a week, we're driving :DDD i love driving trips. then 1 day and my parents plus yet arrive, and off we go to italy. first to rome & e vatican city because i've nvr been there and yet's a roman catholic (she keeps asking if she can meet e pope -.- i don't know how to tell her no), then a week in a tuscan villa. florence, sienna, montepulciano, volterra, capri, etc. and then off to venice where i'm going to stock up on a lot of murano glass rings -.- i broke my original one ): and then back to london. probably take a day trip to paris (summer sales teeheeehee) and then back for graduation and its back home to spore for good 0_o wow. tt's about 9 countries in a month? HAHA.

and then i'm supposed to pop into hk to visit kal. and i want to go japan & korea too. lalala. but probably japan at e end of e yr for snowboarding. awesome stuff :D i'm excited! e volcanic ash cloud better not spoil my party. otherwise i blow you away :p

please understand why i sound so excited whenever i get a phonecall. its cause i don't talk to many people in one day, other than e ppl at e pret counter & my flatmates. even my house is pretty silent most of e time (y)

i'm liking this solitude though :p haha. if you get what i mean. snorts.

fucking hell. i hate e teachers in lse. trying to get an appointment with one of em for a longer period is harder than meeting obama. ARGH. i can kill them alr -.- angry

i am seriously loving e weather in london :D abit of sunshine, cool temperatures, rain once in awhile. bloody fantastic i tell you (:

last year this time i was being roasted to death in my room. god it was so hot. i'm loving this summer already :D

new post on hello sunshine -->

you know when you told me about your friend who cries over not being able to save e world. i couldn't help but feel that i'm e same way too.

i spend so many sleepless nights thinking about how i can make a bloody difference in this world. how i can make my existence meaningful or worthwhile. how to leave my mark on this world.

and this is probably e biggest reason why i'm fretting about going back. e mindset society back home has towards 'non-economic' achievements is brutal, depressing and rather materialistic i suppose. i mean who doesn't appreciate having money. i appreciate money a hell lot. haha. but at e same time, what is e point if i lie on my deathbed 60, 70 years in e future and e only thing i've got to show for my life achievements are e numbers in my bank, which i can't take with me or won't follow my existence in this world anyway. i don't want to lie there and regret not doing what i wanted to do in my lifetime.

i think i'm going to have to write this massive reminder on my wall. to remind myself of what i want in life. what i want to be. where i want to go. give me 6 years and i swear i will get there.

ps. fuck you. you have no right to dismiss my aim -.-

nooooooooooooooooooooooooooo ): MY ARINCO KING CLOSED DOWN! WHY WHY WHYYYY ): must be cos i'm not in spore to eat them. wails. i loved e green tea rolls & e salted caramel ones. i have no more japanese swiss rolls to eat when i go back ))))))): my korean fried chicken better not close. otherwise i'd kill someone.

sighs. i am a marxist. seriously.

studying marxism just makes me dread e system even more. i don't want to fall back into my same old pattern again, where i'm blinded to e big picture, focused on small, insignificant & petty things. being judged all e time. inability to escape. claustrophobia. suffocation. urghs.

very cute boy in cyan blue bermudas totally made my day today.

AHAHAHA :p oh how well you know me ming darling :p

i went to paris yesterday with angie. anwar & angie have been around (separately that is). so any free time i get is to study or sleep. snorts.

but its back to e daily grind again. sighs.

i LOVE LOVE LOVE pret :D

ie. pret a manger

i don't know why they went away from spore. but i want to bring them back to spore one day. or come up with something similar.

they have e best sandwiches, e best skinny cappuccino, e nicest & most hardworking staff AND they open for insanely long hours :D e one at russell square tube station's like open from 7am to 11pm. teehee. i love it.

and i'm going to shower, and head over to e kings cross one to study in abit (they open at 6.30 am) and wait for angie to arrive (later on in e day). lalalala. smoked salmon sandwich, here i come (: i've been craving you for TOO LONG.

ps. i'm exhausted.

mms. new blog entry on hello sunshine --> go see go see (: x

you are one selfish, self-centered, lazy bastard

i feel so suffocated. so restless here.

going out to study is like a breath of fresh air. literally & metaphorically -.-

methinks i should do this more often (:

its doing wonders for my digestive system. snorts.

whoosh, i'm not usually a dance crew fan. but poreotix is (y) hahaha. reminds me abit of e kinda style tt cat & matt used to go for. haha. love them!

wheeee :D i've got amazon, topshop & uniqlo deliveries all arriving in the next few days :D happy happy.

mms, studying outside gives me diarrhea -.- too much milk (in coffee). roars.

today was a lovely day out though, so i dragged myself out of bed, headed down to paul's at high holborn and sat there e whole day with my cups of coffee & french pastries :D their quiche lorraine is TO DIE FOR. yum. e smell of bread is heavenly. haha. sat by e window and basked in e subtle warmth from e sunshine. (no direct sunshine thank you -.-)

then had dinner with joyce & kenneth at edokko. ootoro sushi :D YUM YUM! and i bought tamagoyaki home :D wheeee. cost a bomb though. snorts. but i finally found e name of e dish tt i so liked when my sensei ordered it e last time: dashi maki tamagoyaki!

mms, my mother didn't shoot down my proposition of a gap year immediately. i see potential :p hahaha.

i loved ducky :DDD she was my favourite dinosaur. teehee.

just found out tt e voice actress of ducky was murdered by her dad at age 10 e year land before time was released 0_o

fuck. i'm royally pissed that i won't be able to qualify for jessups if i start working as a lawyer.

this puts a whole new perspective on my plans for next year.

i don't want to offend my friends, but i can't help but dread going back home and starting work. i'm beyond happy to go back to make scry into screw again, nights out with angie, spend time with mel, suef & ziying, talking shit with jeremy and just chilling with anwar. (e rest are goodness knows where) its not singapore per se, but work in spore perhaps. i feel like that's e end to my life as i know it. HAHA. melodramatic much. mms. but still, the whole 'work is your life' culture, drives me bloody insane -.-

and largely its because i'm so damn reluctant to give up my jet-setting ways :p no more weekend trips to paris or brussels. i feel so caged in already. roars.

somehow i can't stop worrying and wondering about what everything's going to be like when i go back.

sometimes i feel like a visitor in singapore. there's my home, my family and my friends. but yet it feels like there's no longer a space left for me to fit in in a lot of things. the spaces i've had in places and people's lives have been filled up or moved around.

and its not like i am the same jigsaw puzzle shape i was back then. so that even if the space is left for me, it somehow doesn't fit exactly anymore.

and while i never expected the space to stay there. at the same time, i'm so happy with the odd form i've become (i can hear jeremy sniggering alr), that i refuse to change my puzzle piece so that i can fit right back into the picture again. hell i don't even want to be part of the big picture -.- why can't i be a picture on my own.

too many wandering thoughts. not enough studying. ARGH

moon river
wider than a mile
i'm crossing you in style someday

oh dream-maker
you heartbreaker
wherever you're going
i'm going your way

two drifters
off to see the world
there's such a lot of world to see

we're after the same rainbows as
waiting round the bend
my huckleberry friend

moon river and me

i realise i haven't been putting up many photos on this blog :p haha. here's a random bunch of this year in london. i'll miss these people ):


joyce & i during cny


hongmin & i had our annual cny lunch at yauatcha. yum.


tsuki's dim sum birthday lunch at chinatown. angela, charms, kaylene, tsuki & kasia


zoe (((: hahaha. the telders team + coaches are such geeks when we get together :p


arthur, anthony & cherie.


kal darling (: during our usual shopping trip in harrods/selfridges :p


with sonya having korean lunch


jer & i in my drug den. teehee


my japanese classmates & my sensei at eddoko. nicole, sensei, ellie & floria. ellie's ADORABLE (((: i'll really miss my japanese classmates. we have the most hilarious conversations in our broken japanese. hahaha.

i'm considering doing summer school in korea next year :p language + culture course. well first i gotta NOT get a job, and then convince my father. whahaha :D

sometimes i genuinely wonder what is the point in loving you like this.

i think its time to take my life off pause and dive head-first back into reality.

i am a mess of contradictions.

i feel some kind of life guru talking about meaning of life all the time -.- hahaha.



i wish my heart was made of steel, and had high walls wrapping round it. and then i could be a proper island. so i won't be disappointed by you, hurt by it, struggle constantly with attachment and tied so tightly to others.

mms, this is going to be my movie of the year (:

pitter patter goes the rain

14, 15 years of constantly fighting to be better, to be the best, to do the right things, fulfill all these expectations. and just when i think i might have found a way out for the moment, or for good, fate and my soft heart tips me back into the cruel, churning mixing bowl again.

while i can deal with all the unnecessary judging. i just find it all so unnecessary. what's so wrong about wanting to do something different. what's so wrong about trying to go down a non-conventional path. i hate it when people try to put me down before i even start.

i want to go live a simple, mundane life for awhile. like a year in a large city, where no one knows me. just enjoy the simple things in life. just to stop for a moment, breathe and live. yes i have my goals, but who said i need to get them now, or at a certain age. too often we seek get caught up in the chase, and forget about the scenery that's passing us by. and i don't want to go back to that mindset again.

mms. you are an absolute fucker you know that. i wish i could hate you.

the importance of living life passionately.

fuck it. i'm going to be the international lawyer i want to be, open my own boutique, open a cupcake bakery & restaurant, then open a bridal boutique. all in this bloody lifetime. ROARS!

and i don't see why/what's wrong with doing it in singapore damnit. with the exception of international lawyer -.- tts e hard bit.

i was doing abit of fb browsing just now and came across photos of my generation's national gymnasts together. HAHA. kayli jie's going to be rather amused. mms, but the thing is, to this day, i still see all the links between e secondary school teams. its still mel, ziying & i. wenxin, juee, huihui & wanchee. and even though my joints ache when it rains, my knees creak ominously everytime i squat, my back hurts from standing too long and i've got more old injuries than i can count, i'd do everything all over again. the gymnastics, the friendships, the lessons and the team i gained. nothing can quite compare really.

hahaha, nostalgic reminiscing. i miss teo :p hahaha.

gahhh, my body's aching, i think i'm falling ill. urghs. its the cold snap i tell you. grumbles. i'm not disliking e cold, but i wish it'd just stay cold all e time, instead of flipping between cold & warm. roars.